transmissions from future self
{the future is now}
1.
Showing up, again and again, counts more than hitting it out of the park just once.
Consistency. Something I still struggle with but am continuing to show up to the learning process of. I’m consistent with learning how to be more consistent, does that count?
2.
Came across these from the time I got really into artsy self-portraiture for like a month.
3.
And now, some poems:
I Did Think, Let’s Go About This Slowly
by Mary Oliver
I did think, let’s go about this slowly. This is important. This should take some really deep thought. We should take small thoughtful steps. But, bless us, we didn’t.
4.
Mountain Lions
(2018)
The crickets flank me in surround sound but otherwise it’s quiet, the way the forest deep in the mountains is quiet, like your heartbeat can be heard by the stars. I should be asleep but instead I am remembering sixth grade, the end of the year at Toro Park, when our science teacher took us on a hike and proudly announced halfway through: We’re going trailblazing! which meant that we were lost. Two friends and I were stragglers. The brambles swallowed us whole, a young meal for the earthen wild, and we swam around in its stomach, searching for the way out. A mountain lion watched from afar, still as the rock it stood upon, its eyes married to our movement. We tried not to look. Fire ants with their biting, stinging heat crawled up our legs. We followed our fear until the trail emerged, a familiar huddle of students shuffling just ahead. Their chatter was music to our ears, slowly filling the frightening silence of getting left behind. I don’t know if anyone had noticed we were gone. Now, years later, the crickets converse and the sixth grader in me lies awake, afraid of mountain lions, and I have to shush her, remind her I’m the lion now.
5.
Silly Things I Believed As A Child That I Don’t Believe Anymore
(2018)
1. This will not be a very long list. 2. How far up the timeline can I consider myself to have been a child? 3. How about when I was nineteen years old, romanticized red flags, unknowingly initiated a life that I believed I had not been prepared for? 4. How about when I was twenty-five and life had emptied me out to the core and I believed in absolutely nothing? When you believe in nothing you believe in climbing fences at night onto a busy freeway. 5. It is not a long list because when I was truly a child, I believed in all the right things, and it’s all the hardened lies in between that were silly. 6. Now as the woman, I find my way back to the maiden, who knew the kind of sparkling faith that dreams are built upon, and I kneel at her feet, and I tell her: I still believe you. And she shows me how to be wise.
6.
A helpful idea on expanding emotional capacity. Creating spaciousness for holding feelings rather than getting stuck in your head trying to analyze them away.
7.
Obsessed with this artwork (and kinda just everything this artist makes <3)
8.
I was on the phone with my daughter the other night and we were talking about how nice it feels to have a physical space all to yourself. I said to her, “I think you’re like me, you thrive in solitude.” She said, “I think so too.”
There was something so heartwarming in that insignificant passing exchange of mutual understanding.
9.
Been thinking about the concept of “do it for your future self”. Which in some ways is really just your now self making wiser choices.
10.
Smooth McGroove mostly does video game music but has these occasional fantastic covers. I was reminded of this one recently. Enjoy as outro.